Today rings in Alder's official 1 month Birthday, and never has there ever been more reason for me to celebrate my baby's first 30 days of life! I am thankful, so thankful, that we've come this far with our little sapling. But the road ahead is a long one, marked with many unpredictable twists and turns. Oh, how I wish I could foresee each one, instead of hitting the bend and careening headlong. But God, in His sovereignty, knew that the dread of such things would be more than my weak heart could bear, and He has spared me the weight.
I began to reread the book of Ruth yesterday. I've always loved the drama, suspense and romance of the story, and felt it time to read the Bible again with intention rather than haphazardly as I've been doing these past few weeks (let's be honest. years...)
Chapter 1 opens with tragedy. In the space of a few paragraphs, Naomi loses everything she holds most dear: first husband, then sons, then home, city, friends...Finally, she turns away the last piece of her former life: her daughter in laws. But one won't go. Ruth, a Moabite nobody. A gentile widow. Ruth clings to Naomi and to the God of Israel. "Where you go I will go, and your God will be my God..." Ruth gifts Naomi with forever companionship.
They arrive, side by side, in Naomi's home country. Then Naomi issues what must have been for Ruth a crushing blow: Naomi changes her name to Mara, Bitter. "I went away full," she says. "The Lord has brought me back empty." (vs 20-21) Empty? Doesn't she see Ruth? If only she could have known the incredible inheritance that would spring forth from this "emptiness!" The nobody at her side would one day birth Obed, the father of Jesse, the father of David, (man after God's own heart,) from whose line comes the very Son of Man, the Christ Himself. Mara, do you not see that the Lord has not brought you back empty, but has written your name, your family, your story into the greatest redemption of all time? Bitter, you'll be given beauty. Wait and watch.
Yesterday, I, too, was Bitter. All day, I silently grumbled over the emptiness of my arms, the uncertainty of our family's future, 40 days mostly missed with my rapidly changing toddlers, the first month of Alder's life spent growing apart, the indefinite loss of home, country, friends-become-family...Today I recognized my own likeness to Mara, and I repent. When I choose bitterness, I forfeit a gift: the anticipation of watching my Kinsman-Redeemer work. I'll relinquish my bitterness, clinging instead to the God who plans that beautiful rescue, who writes my name into His story, who promises to work even our suffering for His glory and our good.
My baby might be swaddled, immobile, in a plastic box, but the Lord is on the move. I am watching him move powerful, miraculous in the life of our tiny one. In our great helplessness He is demonstrating his incredible Might. He is even transforming me, Bitter, into Beloved.